How to Keep Calm When You're About to Lose Your Mind as a Mom
1. Step Away - This can be accomplished in a variety of ways, but the important thing is giving yourself a moment and allowing the adrenaline to subside so that you're able to respond in a more thoughtful and appropriate way. Reacting is easier than responding, but it's also what leads to our biggest moments of regret. Here's what has worked for some of you:
- Hand them off to your significant other while you take a walk, or send the kids to their room for a few minutes while stepping outside into the yard or patio. (from Yvette E.)
- Give yourself a time out, which may confuse your kids at first. This can be a great model of showing how everyone can get frustrated or angry at times, but we can choose not to act, and we can give ourselves permission to take time to cool down. (from Petra D.)
- An alternate to giving yourself a time out is calmly announcing you'll be taking some time to think about an appropriate consequence for their behavior. This move not only gives you time to calm down, but it REALLY gets your kids' attention and sparks them to evaluate their own actions. (from Sally M.)
2. Music to Soothe the Soul - This was something I heard from many moms, and I definitely can relate. Hearing a song that touches on exactly how we're feeling or offers encouragement and hope in better days ahead can lift us up and refresh us in a matter of minutes. While it might not solve the challenge at hand, it gives us a few minutes to regroup, drink in a dose of optimism, and move forward. Some recommendations from our community:
- It Won't Be Like This for Long, by Darius Rucker (from Amber R.)
- You're Gonna Miss This, by Trace Adkins (from Yvette E.)
- Don't Blink, by Kenny Chesney (from Terie M.)
- It's a Beautiful Day, by U2 (this one always shifts my state of mind to be able to look for the sun to break through the clouds)
3. Get a Move On - Although I grew up competing in sports, it hasn't been until the last couple of years that I've realized how critical exercise is to the health of my mind. It's great for the bod, too, and that's a nice perk, but in order to keep our hormones and chemical makeup and all that stuff more balanced, we need to get that blood pumping regularly. I know we all saw the difference in our kids during the pandemic between the days they laid around the house and the days they ran around outside. The attitudes were night and day! We're no different. As one mom shared, "I remind my kids that exercising makes me nicer," and that's such an important thing to remember when it's hard to give ourselves permission to take time away from them to exercise. Here are some ways to get some exercise in:
- Turn on party music and have a dance party with your kids for 15-20 minutes
- Go on a 20 to 30-minute walk. Go alone, take a kid, take the family - however you can make it work.
- Find YouTube videos to work out with - there are Yoga programs, Kickboxing, Resistance Training, whatever you're interested in.
- Commit to 10 Burpees, 10 pushups, and 10 sit-up/crunches per day. If you haven't done any of these for awhile, be prepared to get humbled. Laugh at yourself. But then remember that practice makes improvement!
4. Connect with other Moms - We truly can't do it all, and we certainly can't do it all on our own. But let's face it, there are seasons of our lives when making new friends is not easy. This is when we have to be brave, we have to reach out, we have to make the first move. I am not a natural at this at all, and I get terribly anxious that I may get rejected. But the more I try to reach out, the easier it becomes. Here are some things that have worked for me:
- Mothers of young children, look up your local MOPS. This is a national organization, so they have groups nearly everywhere. My local parish had an evening MOPS group, which made it possible for me, a working mom, to participate. It was my lifeline many times, as I got to know other moms who were just as baffled as I was about different parental navigations. Some of the women I met there are some of my closest friends a decade later.
- Get to know your neighbors with kids. I have been so very fortunate to live in two different neighborhoods where there were other young families. I was extra fortunate that these other families were so open and hospitable and easy to connect with. Impromptu potlucks, slip-n-slide invitations, or even an evening suggestion of a walk around the neighborhood helps build bridges bit by bit.
- Volunteer to be the team mom. I know, this may sound nuts, but raising your hand for this responsibility makes you the point of contact for all of the parents, and it gives you reasons to interact and to start to create connection. You now have an excuse to be the first one to say hi to everyone on the field. Once you learn some names and faces, suggest a potluck before or after practice. If that goes well, see if any moms would be interested in a coffee meetup or a moms night out. If you strike out with a suggestion, that's ok. Try again a week or two later.
- Organize a Home Officer Network Lunch. This is something I've done off and on for a few years now with local friends and neighbors. It is always a little nerve-wracking to send the invitation (what if NO ONE shows up???), but what I've learned every time I make the suggestion: the people who need to be there do show up. Sometimes it's just one person, sometimes it 8 or more. The connection and conversation is always uplifting.
We've all been there, and we will all be there again at some point. Losing your temper, raising your voice, slamming a door or cupboard... these might happen, but we can continue to learn new strategies, try new approaches, and make different decisions. It's ok that we're not perfect every time. The goal is to try and do better next time, just like we tell our kids.
Looking for ways to connect with other work at home moms or household CEO's? Join us on the Home Officer Network Facebook Page or Home Officer Network Instagram.
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