Home Is Where the Office Is

A couple of years ago, I was having lunch with an old college friend who teaches French at a public school in Orange County, California. I was sharing my struggles with implementing chores for my 2 girls, where we had found some success, and where we were hopelessly floundering. While his own kids were toddlers and younger, he shared that he could tell within a week or two of classroom time at his school which kids had chores at home and which did not. Those with chores were typically more likely to complete their homework and also have generally better behavior than those without. There were always exception, but he found this to be true throughout his 15+ years in the classroom.  Not even a week later, I was chatting with another college friend who teaches at a private girls' academy in Seattle, Washington, which attracts the daughters of tech titans, and other families of wealth and privilege. The subject of chores came up again, and she shared her observation (without any promp...

I heard it on a John Maxwell podcast  on "Communication," and the words have been repeating again and again every time I see one of my kids.  Talk to me as though I have a "10" on my head.  The point Mr. Maxwell was making is that whenever you talk to a person, they know how important they are or how you feel about them by the tone of your voice. If we talk to someone as though they are "10," they understand they are incredibly important and valued, and then they respond as a "10." If we talk to someone as a "1," they understand they are the last person on earth we want to interact with, and they respond with that rejection, defensiveness, hurt, or anger. And there's an entire spectrum in between.  This struck me at my core because I thought of how often my kids run into my home office with a question, a story, a request, a problem... and I meet them as though they are a mere "5." I know I have to tolerate their presence b...

I read something recently about becoming aware of the "micro stressors" in our day, like not being able to find the tween's favorite face mask (hello 2021), or the 8-year-old suddenly finding it necessary to crawl into bed with me every night around 3 a.m., or the computer deciding to reboot exactly 2 minutes before the Zoom meeting with our top client's Executive Team. *sigh*  We have a lot of those micro stressors, and they tend to build up into just plain old continuous stress . The inconvenience of that, however, is that we don't necessarily have access to our usual activities or go-to indulgences to recharge and relax. I, for one, am craving a vacation beyond a lap around a different neighborhood. I'd love a romantic dinner inside our favorite Laguna Beach restaurant. Or a huge Super Bowl party with friends and kids and shared chip bowls and all! Ok, maybe I'm never going to look at a shared chip bowl again. But, you get it.  So, to combat the micro ...

"Wow! You look great! Where did you have to go today?"  These are the words that completely changed my work life about 10 years ago. What caught my husband's eye when he came home from work that day?  Well... I had showered and washed, dried, and styled my hair. I was wearing jeans and a casual, but clean, top. I may have slicked some Vaseline on my chapped lips. In other words, I was not in my usual home office attire: yoga pants, loose sweatshirt, pony tail. The thing is, I didn't have to go anywhere that day.  Yes, I had put some effort in preparing for the day, and, interestingly, I felt satisfied in a way that I had not for quite some time. I had been really productive and focused all day. My interactions felt more animated and engaged during my conference calls.  It was in that moment - seeing and hearing my husband's reaction and realizing how such a small investment in self-care had positively impacted my whole day - that I decided I needed to st...

It's a topic that seemed to strike a chord with my Home Officer Network last week: how do we involve our kids in activities that help them develop that sense of community, the importance of giving back, and overall gratitude for the things we have that are so easy to take for granted? While there seems to be more opportunity during the holidays to find a variety of volunteer and donation opportunities, we all came to consensus that this empathy, kindness, and giving spirit we wanted to instill in our families was not about a one-time event. This is where I, once more, was so grateful for the collective wisdom and experience of this group of moms. For Tweens and Teens There are more opportunities for kids 12 and older to do more hands on volunteering, for example in food banks or toy drives. However, two moms shared about Lion's Heart , which is a volunteer organization specifically for kids in 6th - 12th grade. All it takes is finding a local chapter or forming your o...

Those of you who have read The Happiness Project , by Gretchen Rubin, are familiar with this little gem, but it is one of those life rules that saves me on a regular basis. If I come across something that can be done in a minute or less, I do it right then and there. The minute that it costs me up front is FAR LESS than the mental space, worry, and inevitable clean up of the larger problem I caused by neglecting it in the first place.  How many times a day do we think to ourselves, "I'll RSVP to the event this afternoon." "I'll remind that client about the conference call in a few minutes."  "I'll confirm with my boss later." When? When I have more time? More time than 60 seconds ? The more those quick little tasks add up in my brain, the more overwhelmed I feel. And so, the rule: If it can get done in less than 60 seconds,  do it now!  This applies to household stuff too. Dumb stuff... like making the bed. My whole life I was told to make...

"I'm so jealous! You get to work in yoga pants." Or, "I'd love to be able to work from home and spend more time with my kids." Here's the thing: working from home can have a lot of benefits. For employees, it can provide flexibility and improve the work-life continuum (or as I like to define it, the balance of love-to's and have-to's ), and for employers, it can reduce overhead costs, increase productivity, expand the pool of potential employees, and reduce employee turnover. Without the proper guidelines, however, what should be one of your company's greatest assets can become a major liability. Here are the 5 Steps to making telecommuting or working from home work for you and your boss: 1. Enclosed Office Space While many experts recommend setting up a dedicated work space, I'll go one step further and say it's most beneficial to set up an office space that has a door that you can close to remove yourself from your person...

There's a bus to the elementary school, but not to the middle school. This had been my most terrifying realization over the course of the summer. I was in desperate need of finding a carpool. It was the only way to survive, as far as I could tell. However, all of the carpools I knew of in our neighborhood were already full, or schedules were different, or neighbors had forgone the 3rd row seat when they bought the new car. In any case, desperate times call for desperate measures, so after hauling the middle-schooler the 40-minute, 1.5 miles to and fro for the first week, I got creative. And brave.  I remembered my daughter's classmate from last year who had rode the elementary-bound bus, searched piles of not-yet-filed/purged paperwork, and cold-texted the boy's mom with this slightly stalker-ish text message: "Hi K---. This is Jen, E--'s mom. She was in M--'s class last year and they took the bus together. Would you be interested in carpooling to the m...

“I really see this as an opportunity to have better work-life balance.” I’ve heard this more times than I can count from newly initiated home officers. My usual response is to smile and nod. No need to rain on anyone’s parade. But it’s a topic that unfailingly pops up within a few months – sometimes within a few weeks. “Why does it feel like I’m working even more ?” Here’s the thing.   While many companies claim to value the importance of work-life balance for their employees, the reality is that no one seems to have a solid definition of what that means. That’s one of the most difficult things for a working parent – especially a work-from-home parent – to discover: the fallacy of work-life balance. Small Business Trends put out a nifty infographic that breaks it all down, and one little nugget that stood out to me like a neon sign was that out of the 38 countries studied, the U.S. ranked 30 th in work-life balance. [1] (The Netherlands ranked #1, by the way.)...

As we home officers know, there are so many advantages to working from home. For one, you're always home, so the issues of scheduling the cable guy, the plumber, signing for that critical package - no problem! On the other hand, you're always home. It can become way too easy to become a hermit, and so I, like many others who work from home, have made a commitment to leave the house for an hour at least 3 workdays a week. Stumped on ideas of what to do? - Join a local gym and do a 30-minute workout - Schedule lunch with a friend or neighbor - Take the dog for a walk - Get that oil change - finally! - Run that errand you've been putting off forever - Pick up the birthday gift(s) for any upcoming birthday parties - Do your weekly grocery run (remember to make a list! Or even a meal plan !) - Go to the local park and read on a park bench for awhile - Indulge in a hobby: visit that craft store/tea room/art gallery/bookstore/Apple store/arcade - whatever - ...

   This week's guest blogger has been a bit of a life line for me as a working mom. I worked with her husband years ago, and after I left for a different opportunity, she reached out to me when she heard through the grapevine that I was expecting. She was too! In true "Megan" fashion, she organized a group of about 8 first time moms to meet on a weekly basis. These were her friends, acquaintances and even a woman who happened to be getting a pedicure in the next chair over! All of these women now have 2 children, (that pic was of her at about 9 mos pregnant with baby #2 - of course getting ready for a work function!) and we're all still connected and meet when we can - mostly for a mom's night out. Since those "new mom" days, I've witnessed numerous examples of her organizing and connecting people, always with amazing results. It is, therefore, very fun for me to learn more about what makes this Super-Mom and Super-Friend tick! Enjoy...